Maybe this'd be better off in the ppd section, but it's also a rant, oh well... heck I don't even know where to start.
I love Chloe so much, but sometimes I just can't seem to take her. I hate being left alone with her and not having anyone to help me out for a minute while I take a breather. She'll sit there and cry and fuss and I can't get her to stop, she always wants to be held so I can't get anything done other than sit in a chair all day holding her and playing farmville on facebook. Then when people get home and the house is still messed up i feel like a bad person because I didn't get anything done in the house (we live with my parents and our 'rent' is to clean and help out with groceries) so I feel like a big mooch. My parents say don't worry about it, but when the house is a disaster I feel horrible. I've been having problems BF, she will not latch onto my left and it makes both of us frustrated. We could try all day long and she will not take it. I actually raised my voice at her the other night because I was so frustrated.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not even her mom. When my parents get home they're so excited to see her and cuddle with her that I let them (and welcome some alone time) but then she'll sit there and smile and laugh and do all this stuff with them that she won't do for me. She does smile and laugh with me, but not as much or as often. It makes me sad, does she love them more than me? Or are they just better with her because they've already gone through parenting? I feel like this big failure. I feel its more than just the blues. I need to either find my anti depressants or get in to see my dr, but I hate going into see them just for that because I don't want to have to pay a copay for it when I'll be seeing them in a couple weeks for my 6wk checkup.
I'm grumpy with Tyler today. We were going to actually go out on a date tonight and get someone to watch Chloe. but then he made other plans to work late tonight. Then he ignored me almost all day. Yes I know he's working and needs to get hours, but it still hurts when he usually will talk to me during the day. Our relationship has been strained recently, and it makes me really sad.
I'm just sad I guess... :(
"The day you slipped away was the day I found it won't be the same" - Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne
Hang in there girl! This is one of the toughest parts. You are trying to navigate this new world of being a mommy, wife, daughter, and still be your own person! Your relationships are alterin as you have welcomed a new life. I had feelings SO similar to yours until Ky was about 6 months plus and life finally settled into more of a routine and my hormones calmed the heck down!
I remember I would get so frusurated with nursing and when she would cry and fuss without calming down. I too raised my voice to her, yelled actually, more than once, and cried uncontrollably for silly reasons. I still remember going to Target with Ky and she melted down in the middle of the store, 3 weeks old, and I couldn't get her to nurse there. I had to leave a full shopping cart with a screaming baby and then drive the 10 minutes home crying horribly listening to her scream for food.
My point is that the first few months as a new mom are all firsts, a lot of trial and error, and ultimately an amazing experience. You will get through this, and just remember that there is a reason we have no long term memory as infants, us mommies need some practice before we get it "right"!!
Oh brittney, I can tell you that having a baby that demands to be held 24/7 is VERY trying! I can totally understand how you feel. It drains you, it really does. Gage was like that and then on top of holding him all day he would get up at least six times a night. It was all me every night cuz my husband works 3rd shift. I seriously wondered why I thought a second baby was a good idea for awhile.
It takes time (in my case with Gage it took 8 months) but I promise it does get easier. Chole loves you. She loves you so much she wants you to hold her all day.
As far as the b/f goes can you just feed her on the one side and pump the other? That is what I did because Gage preferred one side over the other. I just learned how to pump while he was feeding.
You're doing your best, and it's good enough. Sounds like your parents are understanding so just get to the house when you can.
Good luck, and I hope things start looking up for you soon!
Does she cry even when you are trying to comfort her then? Perhaps she has colic? Maybe she is allergic to Breast milk? I was allergic, had to be put on soy.
You also mentioned before that she is a big eater. At her age her little tummy can only hold about 2-4 oz of formula every 2-3 hours or so my nurse told me. I was also told that some baby's just think that when they have tummy discomfort that it must mean its time to eat. I have had this eating problem with Brennen, so even though he wants more than 5oz and sooner than 3 hours....I make him wait 3 hours and will only give him 5oz...
I just read something about colic with BF baby's it says it can mimic colic if you switch breasts too soon but since Chloe only uses one Breast then maybe she could really have colic and or be lactose intolerant?
If you lived closer I'd give you a break...perhaps you could take a mini vacation? Go to a friends house or someone you know and trust who will help you, emphasis on YOU. I have been worried about this since I talked to you on then phone when you were still in the hospital because even then I saw a few signs that said hard work ahead for mommy!
My first baby was a nightmare to care for as well...he has horrible colic for 1 year! Looking back I wish I had the wisdom to realize I could have done something.....switched formulas etc. So when I saw the signs with my 2nd I put him on soy immediately and that made things a ton better.
Have you tried a swing? Perhaps something to keep Chloe in a sitting up position? Because acid reflux is another possibility especially if she only cry's a lot when you lay her down. This is the problem we have with Brennen...We bought something called a nap nanny for him to sleep in at night that keeps him sitting up safely... let me tell you he slept though the night the very first time we put him in it...it was a miracle! I don't know if any of this helps but you have my number so call me if you need something or just want to talk.
Such common emotions honey, so don'y you dare beat yourself up about it. My house is still a slovenly pit sometimes and my youngest is two!! Being a mommy takes a lot of time and resources even when it feels like you are doing nothing. As for the bf, don't feel pressured. If it isn't working it is NOT YOUR FAULT. I always say do whatever it takes to make life easier. Women put far too many pressures on ourselves, when actually, no one minds but us. I sat for hours on the comp holding my baby. I felt bad at the time, but looking back on it now I miss it. There comes a day when they won't let you cuddle them for more than a second. Take the time to get to know your beautiful daughter, and get a swing for when you need the break. Big hugs x x x
May the longtime sun shine upon you, all love surround you, and the pure light within you guide you all the way on.
Your doing great! With the BF I went to a support group with my first, it was free and my pediatriction told me to go. My son was just not gaining weight BF and it hurt like hell. Once I went, no more pain and they had great knowledge about latching on and getting the baby to take both breasts. Unfortunately with my son, I wasn't ment to BF and it only lasted 8 weeks, milk never really came in fully I guess. If you feel so depressed go to the doctor! Being a mommy is an unexpected ride.
Don't beat yourself up about the BF-ing. I was SO determined to BF Josh, and he also only latched on one side and I stopped after 3 days. I never felt bad at all, he got 3 days of boob and i knew in my heart that putting him on formula would make us all happy. Plus, daddy got to feed him too, which gave me a little ' rest ' time !
For me, the first 4 - 8 weeks was the ' worst ' ( and i mean that in a nice way ) It is the time when babies are a little more awake than in the first month, and when they cry more and make us feel like we gonna go crazy. I have been there twice, and it is NO fun at all. But hang in there, i promise it gets better. Josh was ( and sometimes still is ) a very demanding baby!! He cried almost non stop for 8 months - no lies, they said he didn't have colic, but i am sure he did - only these last 3 weeks does he seem to have outgrown the crying. And i must admit, sometimes i have to just leave him to cry while i do housework etc. As long as he is fed, burped and dry and there is no other reason why he should be crying, i either turn on the radio loudly or the vacumm and i do what i need to do. Now obviously he is older and isn't such a cry baby anymore.
Nothing prepares you for motherhood. Definately chat to the doctor, cause even just by taking medication , can make you feel 100% better and different.
Good Luck, and as i said, ask anyone, promise it gets easier and better and that is when you begin to really really enjoy motherhood.
Oh Brit you are doing a terrific job!!!! Don't ever doubt that, and dont doubt that Chloe loves you! Whether or not you believe it, you are her world, she'd be devestated if she didn't have you! Like all the other ladies said this is all very normal emotions. It really does get better. I would look into the reason she's crying so much, like someone else said she could be lactose intolerant or have colic... And don't worry about spending a copay to get checked out yourself, you're worth it!! BIG HUGS you wonderful mommy you!
Britt, please remember that this is just a phase. Yes, it very well could be ppd since you do have a history of depression....it could be teh onset. BUT....this IS just a phase. Remember my post last year? i KNOW you do...you helped me through it. Now remember every other woman here that has gone through this phase. You are NOT ALONE!!
Be a bum...don't worry about the house right now. Most likely your parents DO remember how hard the beginning is so they are going to be very understanding. You take care of y9uorself and you take care of little miss chloe and you will find your groove...it just takes a little while.
If you can hold out until the 6 week visit then you go ahead and do so but if you have even a thought of harming yourself or (as awful as this sounds) Chloe then you go in right away. I know it sounds like something that could never cross your mind but in the moment stupid thoughts do come in to play...doesn't mean that you'd actually act on them.
Text me if you have questions...or there are tons more girlies on here that would be more than happy to talk to you and help you through this phase.
You know what britt, 99% of all new moms go through the exact same thing. chloe probably feels ur tension and is reacting to it. Mother hood is the hardest job in the word and takes time to adjust to it, ask ur mom to watch her for an hr so u can catch up on sleep as that is 90% of the reason most woman get ppd. the lack of sleep makes us grumpy and we snap because of it, so dont feel bad because ur acting this way, its all normal. Advice, if shes crying and stops only when u pick her up, put her down after making sure she dont need a bum charge or shes hungry or to cold or hot and let her cry. shes probably been picked up alot and now is spoilt, its not going to hurt her to leave her in her crib or bassinet with some music going from a toy or stereo. then take 5 and relax or do what ever it is that u need to do like take a shower or just chill. But remember we all get upset and stressed at some point and u need time out for u. :D xxx
It's really hard to adjust in the beginning. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. If the PP blues last much longer then you may need to see a doctor.
As for not latching onto the left side - hold her like you were going to feed her from the right but move her further across to latch onto the left side. Put a pillow under her and your arm and it will trick her into thinking it is her favourite right boob. Benjamin had a favourite and a friend suggested this and it worked.
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Posted - 11/06/2009 : 10:16:48 PM
